Crossing the Line: The Ultimate Boating Knowledge Quiz

By John Morris

February marks the nadir of winter when we need to find alternate means to keep the boating candle lit. Are you a knowledgeable boater? Take this stupid test.

  1. What does VHF stand for?
    a. High falutin’
    b. Very high falutin’
    c. Communication with very high antennas
  2. Know your channel markers:
    a. Do nun buoys have a religious implication?
    b. There are red buoys and green buoys, but why not purple?
  3. “Freeboard” means:
    a. Pancake breakfast and hearty lunch included
    b. Help yourself to one of these planks
    c. Something more profound
  4. When a Texan says ‘Howdy Yawl’ is he or she:
    a. Being friendly if persistent
    b. Checking your mizzen
    c. Paying homage to regional boating dialect
  5. Boats float according to (see graphic below):
    a. Le Chatelier’s principle
    b. Murphy’s Law
    c. Some Scottish guy from the 18th century
  6. Identify these nautical terms:
    Draft
    a. Beer taps onboard
    b. Close the hatch and hand me a sweater, honey, there’s a chilly nor’easter
    Beam
    a. Me up, Scotty
    b. Mr. Beam – noted mute British comic boat captain
    Wakeboarding
    a. Similar to waterboarding but more fun
    b. The future tense of woke – politically sensitive watersports
  7. Sonar is:
    a. A cartoon hedgehog
    b. A means of communicating with fish
    c. Solar energy at night
  8. Know your Canadian manufacturers. Match these famous builders with their claim to notoriety:
    a. Flounder Harbour Boats
    b. D&D Yachts
    c. Manitoba Dryland
    d. Cape Nudnik Boatworks
    e. Spam Island Aluminum
    i. Offshore boats with square sails
    ii. First onboard chicken rotisserie
    iii. Solar-powered hairdryers in each cabin
    iv. Companionway escalators
    v. Inflatable rudder
  9. The Trent Canal System was originally built:
    a. To ship Amazon packages to Parry Sound
    b. Because locks are meaningless without bagels and cream cheese
    c. To transport oats from Thunder Bay to the Quaker porridge facility in Peterborough
  10. “Whatever Floats Your Boat” was recorded by:
    a. Ringo Star and Keith Richards under the pseudonym “the Stuffing Boxes”
    b. The Power Squadron Glee Club of North Vancouver
    c. Buddy Melges
Flotation Explained. Photo courtesy Shutterstock.

If you even attempted this quiz, we have some very deep concerns.

If you scored 24-30 points you earn the title, Master-Boater. I cannot help it your friends make fun of that. Learn to live with it.

12-24 points. That’s not bad and they can be redeemed for a quart of VC17 at the Binnacle.

Related Articles

  • Looking across the pond

    This new Quicksilver boat will be touring European shows this autumn. Let’s see it soon here. September 24, 2026 It’s a change how much Europe focus we are getting these days. Here at OnBoard we are suddenly receiving a unexpected amount European boat info. It’s probably no surprise that Beneteau, Hanse, and Axopar are introducing their…

  • Alternatives to Lake Ontario

    September 10, 2026 This is the official OnBoard notice that we are ignoring the current Lake Ontario fiasco. The whole thing is too stupid to deal with. In its place, we are including this much more relevant Jerry King cartoon. Thank you for your lack of attention to this matter. John MorrisOnline Editorjohn@opmediagroup.ca

  • Do You Need a Change?

    Richard’s Landing Marina   Cat Ward photo August 27, 2026 Driving north on 69, I realized it’s been an unusual summer on many fronts. As a result, the combination of commitments, unpredictable weather has played considerable havoc with my balance.  I find I spend a lot of time escaping to my boat but not going out…

  • Boat IQ for Guests

    August 13, 2026 August is Boat Guest Month but its also an opportunity for you to appreciate that boating does not come naturally to most people. Has this ever happened?  You pull into the dock to pick up your guests and your crew tosses a line off the bow. It falls at Guest4’s feet and…

  • Escape

    down below – they’ll never find me! July 23, 2026 Last Sunday was an unusual day. The weather forecast was iffy and had been unstable for days due to a heat wave stacked with an air quality alert so I had no guests invited and no particular plans to be on the water.  Then, when…

Video Gallery

Boston Whaler 350 Realm

By Andy Adams

You might be dreaming of an adventure boat, or a luxury cruiser, or maybe a serious fishing platform. You might dream of an overnight exploration boat, or a boat that entertains a big group of friends or family. Whatever your ambitions, the features and appointments, and the stellar performance of the Boston Whaler 350 Realm, equipped with triple Mercury Verado V10-cylinder 425 horsepower engines, feels like it could do just about anything. It’s the Great Entertainer.

Read More

Destinations

The Whitsunday Islands

By Mathew Channer

On my first day as a commercially registered yacht captain, I sailed a Fontaine Pajot 38 catamaran from mainland Australia across the Whitsunday Passage to the western shores of the world-famous Whitsunday islands.

We cruised northeast on a 15-knot beam reach… perfect catamaran sailing conditions, watching the hazy shapes of the islands colourize and morph into crescent beaches, jungled ridgelines and rocky outcrops. 

Read More

Lifestyle